Closer

Listening to Goaple "Closer"



This video right now is on repeat...I've been feeling very stifled like I'm in a room screaming and no one hears me. I am ALWAYS busy and when it comes to my makeup I love it. Waiting for more, I know that all my dreams are coming true. This is only the beginning. <-----That's the positive Tavia!

Yesterday I picked up a local magazine that has 3 tear sheets of my work. I don't know why, but I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Partly happy and partly sad(had a very personal sad conversation that morning). I had been feeling so discouraged, it's something about being so busy that you don't sit back and really look at what you are busy doing. The benefit of what it is you are putting your time into. I looked at those photo's and I could remember each and every shoot, what I was wearing, what I was thinking, my attitude, everything. It opened my eyes to somethings for sure. So I shared my good news to some people, put it out there on twitter/facebook, you know the normal social sites that you share your accomplishments with. My biggest thing is you share because you never know who is looking at you for inspiration. When you decide to put yourself out there in any capacity you have to be careful because you never know who is watching. Your life is a testimony, a living one and you never know how your accomplishments, your trials, or your joys is helping someone else.

I have listened to that song 4 times already while typing this-Random

So, ----Break---- My manager starts IM'ing me about what is going on with me. It's crazy she knows that this job is not where I want to be. She tells me all the time, "Make it happen" and "Get out of here" easier said then done I say. If I could up and quit my job and do makeup full time I would with no questions asked. I have a child and I have bills, but that shouldn't stop me, RIGHT? If I knew what I know now I would not have ever worked a 9-5 you get stuck and it's hard getting out, but I still can. *hits replay*

"WALK INTO YOUR DESTINY" ummm this blog is taking on an entirly different meaning. I am going to have to change the title. My resolution just hit me like a ton of bricks. You know when you are running away from something you either get tired or it catches up to you. Sometimes I believe the one's that know their purpose sometimes run from the One who gave it to them. He will allow you to keep running until YOU get tired. Yeah that's me and that's where I stop...So every bad thing that has happened, every mistake I have made, every time I have chosen not to forgive I was running away. I can't anymore. I won't anymore.

Closer....

How I Really Feel-Part I

Sitting at the plantation haven't blogged in a long time and I really don't know if I have the hang of this. Initially the Blog was going to be all about makeup, but nah I think folks can learn from both makeup and my personal experiences. I also thought that when you do a personal blog that was putting folks in your business, but I see that this can be therapeutic for yourself. You never know if what you are going through could help someone else. So here we go.

This past year has really been a mixture of huge highs and lows. Business wise I have really taken off and I am beyond blessed. I am still learning and I put myself in the position to help out as many people as I can. I also understand that I can't bring anyone to the top until I get there myself. I share as much as I know, but I can't and I won't just do everything for you. I've had to work very hard to get where I am and sacrifice so much. I know now without a shadow of a doubt this is what I was born to do. This is my purpose and if I have to walk by myself I will walk into my purpose and not apologize for it. Whether I have the support of none I am going to wake up every day and strive to be the best makeup artist that I can be.

Personal, yeah that is another story *sigh* It was in the movie The Devil Wears Prada that the saying goes something like-You know when you have made it in your career because your personal life is the worse-Something like that, but you get what I am saying. The thing is I haven't "made it" in my career. I have so much to do, so much to learn, and so many moves to make. I have only begun. It makes me question though if my personal life is like this and I have not "made it" yet how is it going to be when I actually do make it?? Not sure if you saw the movie, but in the end she gets her career and her personal life is the best. She does not turn out like her Boss and I believe that you can have a happy ending in real life also.

Not going to go into great detail I would hate to make myself look like the "victim" as I have been accused of before. I have been lied about, talked about, "hated on"-ugh I despise the word "hate". There have been some folks that made it their purpose in life to make mine hell. The wonderful thing about that though is they just helped push me into my destiny. That's all great, but I am human first. Yes me who tries to always stay positive, look at the glass as ALWAYS full-1/2 full with water the other with air, but full(something to make you think), and always believe that your thoughts will manifest into reality. All of that jazz, but I hurt, cry, get frustrated, and make mistakes. My heart is genuine and I think that is one of my biggest problems. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I have the jaded idea that everyone is good and I always give folks the benefit of the doubt. Yeah ummm learned that IS not the case this past year. Just as you have folks that have your best interest you have maybe more that honestly want you to fail. Just like there is a Heaven there is a Hell. Yeah learned the hard way for sure.

There are alot of folks that motives are just all messed up. They will try to use you to get to the top and don't care how their actions may affect your life. They will lie about you, make up things about you, and smear your name in the mud. They will smile in your face, ask about your business and your family all while they are blasting you subliminally on these social networks. They will attempt to destroy your friendships because they are miserable. Make you question things and people, hell make you question your self. My trust in people is so tainted now and yes I am rebuilding things. For so long I was just consumed with why? Why me of all people, but then I had to think "why not me"? I am not any better then the next person who has to go through things. It just sucks on all levels when people go out of their way to TRY to make your life miserable. The saddest thing is they are ALL older then me *laughs*

Folks try to make themselves out to be the "cool" one the "life of every event" say that they "support" everyone and their talent maaaan GTFOH. Be honest with yourself you only support those when you have something to gain out of it. Once you realize there is nothing you can get out of it you move on to the next...a leach. But while those folks are "leaching" they are making others including myself not trust most and that is not cool. We don't live in a bubble, although sometimes I wish I did, so your actions be it good or bad not only affects you, but others. It's unnecessary and can be very hurtful. I am going to try and not allow the events of the past year question the people that I know without a shadow of a doubt has my best interest. Again I'm human and right now I am so hurt and angry. I bother's me that some people think that your feelings just come out of thin air as if you don't have a reason to feel this way. Or that you want to feel hurt and angry? Anyone who knows me and Really knows me understands I hate feeling this way and have been trying everything to get past this feelings. Now it was just time to put them out there.

I initially titled this Blog-"Trust...." but it took a different direction once I started typing and getting into my feelings. Once I wrap my head around everything I can come back with the Positive side of "How I Really Feel"

All I Want For Christmas....

So it's that time...10 days until Christmas and I guess I should put my Christmas List out...*sings* I don't want alot for Christmas....Here we go

I love this fragrance and besides Diamond's are a Girl's Bestfriend

So I had an accident with my Digital Camera and I really need a new one *winks*



Need the new Ipod also the radio get's no play in the car and CD's (they still make those)

I am so tired of carrying 2 makeup cases and a bag from gig to gig...Now this is more like it *thinks*

A gift certificate to a day at the spa *sigh* I can feel the massage on my shoulders and back right now

A Gift Certificate to Sephora to purchase this

A Vacay I never needed to get away more than I do now...The sand between my feet...I am doing to swimsuit body now *laughs*

Some DVD's Cd's

Okay I think that is good....I may add some more we shall see

*plays* "Silent Night" The Temptations....Stands up under the mistle toe *winks*

Who is the woman behind Fabulous Faces??

That's a great question and I promise the answer won't be too long *laughs* Who am I kidding?

I am a mother, daughter, sister and friend. Family is my number 1 priority. I love to have fun and although lately I haven't showed it I am so goofy love to laugh! I love any and everything fashion, but I know what my strength is and that is makeup. I started getting into makeup in high school and never looked back. I've had some obstacles in my way, we all do that's life, bu the key is to never give up! I have a strong Faith, that has really been tested the past 6 months. I know and understand where my talent comes from and that it is a blessing. I have to pair it with hard work in order to reach my ultimate goals. I come off as shy initially...I'm just observing my surroundings, doesn't mean I am stuck up or a bitch. I don't apologize for the expectations I put on myself, I want more out of life and strive for that. I treasure my friendships, because it's sometimes hard for me to allow someone in. I don't ask for much just for the people I have in my life to be REAL if you can't be real with yourself you can't be real with me. I won't go on and on, but at the end of the day I LOVE LIFE!!! I LOVE MAKEUP!!!My blog will reflect that, come journey with me!