How I Really Feel-Part I

Sitting at the plantation haven't blogged in a long time and I really don't know if I have the hang of this. Initially the Blog was going to be all about makeup, but nah I think folks can learn from both makeup and my personal experiences. I also thought that when you do a personal blog that was putting folks in your business, but I see that this can be therapeutic for yourself. You never know if what you are going through could help someone else. So here we go.

This past year has really been a mixture of huge highs and lows. Business wise I have really taken off and I am beyond blessed. I am still learning and I put myself in the position to help out as many people as I can. I also understand that I can't bring anyone to the top until I get there myself. I share as much as I know, but I can't and I won't just do everything for you. I've had to work very hard to get where I am and sacrifice so much. I know now without a shadow of a doubt this is what I was born to do. This is my purpose and if I have to walk by myself I will walk into my purpose and not apologize for it. Whether I have the support of none I am going to wake up every day and strive to be the best makeup artist that I can be.

Personal, yeah that is another story *sigh* It was in the movie The Devil Wears Prada that the saying goes something like-You know when you have made it in your career because your personal life is the worse-Something like that, but you get what I am saying. The thing is I haven't "made it" in my career. I have so much to do, so much to learn, and so many moves to make. I have only begun. It makes me question though if my personal life is like this and I have not "made it" yet how is it going to be when I actually do make it?? Not sure if you saw the movie, but in the end she gets her career and her personal life is the best. She does not turn out like her Boss and I believe that you can have a happy ending in real life also.

Not going to go into great detail I would hate to make myself look like the "victim" as I have been accused of before. I have been lied about, talked about, "hated on"-ugh I despise the word "hate". There have been some folks that made it their purpose in life to make mine hell. The wonderful thing about that though is they just helped push me into my destiny. That's all great, but I am human first. Yes me who tries to always stay positive, look at the glass as ALWAYS full-1/2 full with water the other with air, but full(something to make you think), and always believe that your thoughts will manifest into reality. All of that jazz, but I hurt, cry, get frustrated, and make mistakes. My heart is genuine and I think that is one of my biggest problems. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I have the jaded idea that everyone is good and I always give folks the benefit of the doubt. Yeah ummm learned that IS not the case this past year. Just as you have folks that have your best interest you have maybe more that honestly want you to fail. Just like there is a Heaven there is a Hell. Yeah learned the hard way for sure.

There are alot of folks that motives are just all messed up. They will try to use you to get to the top and don't care how their actions may affect your life. They will lie about you, make up things about you, and smear your name in the mud. They will smile in your face, ask about your business and your family all while they are blasting you subliminally on these social networks. They will attempt to destroy your friendships because they are miserable. Make you question things and people, hell make you question your self. My trust in people is so tainted now and yes I am rebuilding things. For so long I was just consumed with why? Why me of all people, but then I had to think "why not me"? I am not any better then the next person who has to go through things. It just sucks on all levels when people go out of their way to TRY to make your life miserable. The saddest thing is they are ALL older then me *laughs*

Folks try to make themselves out to be the "cool" one the "life of every event" say that they "support" everyone and their talent maaaan GTFOH. Be honest with yourself you only support those when you have something to gain out of it. Once you realize there is nothing you can get out of it you move on to the next...a leach. But while those folks are "leaching" they are making others including myself not trust most and that is not cool. We don't live in a bubble, although sometimes I wish I did, so your actions be it good or bad not only affects you, but others. It's unnecessary and can be very hurtful. I am going to try and not allow the events of the past year question the people that I know without a shadow of a doubt has my best interest. Again I'm human and right now I am so hurt and angry. I bother's me that some people think that your feelings just come out of thin air as if you don't have a reason to feel this way. Or that you want to feel hurt and angry? Anyone who knows me and Really knows me understands I hate feeling this way and have been trying everything to get past this feelings. Now it was just time to put them out there.

I initially titled this Blog-"Trust...." but it took a different direction once I started typing and getting into my feelings. Once I wrap my head around everything I can come back with the Positive side of "How I Really Feel"